 I had just given birth two weeks prior to my third child. I was laying in bed on my cell phone googling, “Mom Fashion”. I asked myself is that even a thing? Not finding really anything helpful with my google search I tried another query. This time I typed in, “dressing to hide your belly”. This was a tad more helpful. I saw a few interesting ways to help camouflage my postpartum belly. Still nothing was jumping out to me. I even googled, “how to dress your jelly belly”. Black clothing flooded my search results. I decided then it was my personal goal to redefine “Mom Fashion” at least in my own little world. If you were to ask my family and friends what is something I love besides babies, mommin'{that is my new saying for everything now...}, and spending time with my own little family, they would say that I love FASHION. Ever since I was a little girl I loved it. I would spend hours sketching exotic fashion trends with my fashion plates, making my own paper doll clothing, and even creating dresses with safety pins and mom's doilies for my barbies. This admiration for expressing oneself with clothing grew over the years. In elementary school I had a penchant for layering. In fact at thirty two years old I still love to layer! I would emulate looks from magazines and try to recreate them with clothing from Goodwill. Growing up I was never afraid to embrace new trends.
When I became a mother for the first time I lost myself in a way. Not only did I have a newborn but my husband was deployed overseas. I was exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically. This fashionista was defeated. I slowly adopted a mom uniform of “is this t shirt clean?” and “last night's pajama pants”. If I had to go somewhere it was yoga pants, tank top, and a sweat shirt. Sometimes I color coordinated my tennis shoes to the sweatshirt. This was my fashion norm for quite awhile. When my son was almost three I finally lost the last few pounds from my pregnancy with him. I was exercising at home and discovered clean eating. I started to take better care of myself. I made the time to put makeup on and do my hair. My husband was on yet another deployment but I found I had more time to get ready for the day as my son was older now. I realized that if I did not take care of ME then how could I effectively care for my son. I started buying clothing to fit my mommy body and started to find my style as it changed over the years. I learned there were a few trends I should never try and many that I definitely needed to. By this point I was pregnant with my second son. I really loved dressing the bump. Once he was born I remembered to not lose myself again and stuck with my routine of waking up and getting ready for my day. I had to make a few changes because time was precious but I still made sure I was taken care of and felt my best. For me this included my five minute make up routine, styling my hair, and putting on pants with a zipper. In almost eight years I had three children and my body was definitely not the same as it was prior to having my new daughter. I was not bouncing back as fast as I thought I would. I ended up wearing my maternity clothing until she was four months old. Even with exercise and eating well I was not getting back into my old clothing. I ended up selling almost every piece of clothing I owned. I was told I was the biggest pay out at Plato's Closet in Killeen, Texas at that time. They paid me $289.00 for three trash bags of clothing. Armed with this cash I was going to replenish my wardrobe and move on with my mission to redefine “Mom Fashion”. Here is some tips to help You do the same. Invest in classic pieces that you can dress up or down and mix with your trendy items. I never splurge on trend items. Also know investing does not have to mean expensive either. One of my favorite classic pieces are my cardigans that I buy at Walmart. They are incredibly soft. You also can not beat the less than $9.00 price tag. I have them in almost every color imaginable. I layer them over dresses in the spring, with tank tops and chino shorts in the summer, and over collared blouses in the fall and winter. It is a great way to add a pop of color. I always feel I am channeling my inner Jackie O in a cardigan over a knee length dress and nude colored wedges. Another must in your fab mom fashion arsenal should be a classic, fitted, white button down blouse. You can pair it with some dark boot cut jeans or a black knit ponte pant. Add a pair of leopard print flats {another classic item! Animal print never goes out of style} and some statement jewelry and you have yourself a classic, fashionable, and on trend outfit. Add a olive military style jacket or jean jacket and it can complete your look. You might notice that I suggest a lot of neutral colored clothing and not many prints. My main reason is I personally have a frugal fashionista closet but I can mix and match every piece within that closet to create multiple million dollar looks. Now that search query of how to hide my jelly belly? I found wearing clothing that fit me was most flattering. Hiding behind sweatshirts and drawstring pants created the illusion that my body shape was not a shape at all. I create the illusion of a waist line with belts on my dresses or fitted dresses on the top with an a line skirt. I balance proportions with looser fitting tunics over leggings or skinny jeans because my legs are one of my best assets. I wear scarves in many prints and colors with a chambray top and skinny jeans. I also draw attention to my face with a bold lipstick color or eye catching chandelier earrings. My mom uniform this spring has been belted tank dresses with cardigans and nude colored sandals. I finish the look with the on trend tassel necklace or a classic pair of gold hoops. Adding accessories completes the outfit but remember what the great Coco Chanel recommended “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and remove one accessory.” and “Less is always more”. I keep this in mind as I spray myself in perfume and give myself a glance over in my floor length mirror. Now this is just my personal style and yours could be very different. Above are just a few of my basic go to outfits. One thing I do when I buy a new piece is I will go to Pinterist and type what it is in and add ways to style to get inspiration. Sometimes this inspires new outfit of the day posts on my personal Instagram. I am always observing the latest trends and I don't indulge in them all. I have learned that just like everything we do in life we must stay true to ourselves. Style doesn't have a size. Wear what makes you feel like a goddess inside and out. Embrace every curve and line of your body. Hold close to your heart that mom doesn't mean martyr. Make time for you because your children will have Mommy at her best. The most beautiful and classiest of trends a woman can wear is her confidence.
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Vital VernixOver time we have come accustomed to thinking that babies come into this world unclean. Within the first few hours after birth a baby is given it's first bath with warm water and delicately powder scented baby soap. Then baby is lathered up in a similar fragrant thick lotion. While this smells delicious and makes for a beautiful memory it should be one held off for after the first twenty four hours at least. During a mother's pregnancy the baby is surrounded by amniotic fluid. Inside this watery safe haven they are covered in a protective, waxy, and thick barrier coating called vernix caseosa. Vernix is a natural, intricate, and lipid-rich coating covering the skin of the baby during the third trimester of pregnancy. Vernix protects the baby while inside the watery amniotic sac keeping the baby's skin supple. Seeing how protective it is prior to birth why would we want to wash this away so soon?
Researchers in the medical world are collecting evidence in proving just how vernix is beneficial overall to babies. One research study done by the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology that was titled: Antimicrobial Properties of Amniotic Fluid and Vernix Caseosa are Similar to Those Found in Breastmilk found that immune substances were present in both amniotic fluid and vernix samples. Their testing showed these substances are effective at deterring the growth of common perinatal pathogens such as group B. Streptococcus, K. pneumoniae, L. monocytogenes, C. albicans, and E. coli. Vernix is your baby's own perfectly made antimicrobial body butter! World wide health officials are also changing their recommendations in newborn care due to research study findings in addition to the one the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology conducted. The World Health Organization recommends that bathing should be delayed until after twenty four hours after birth. If this is not possible due to cultural reasons, bathing should be delayed for at least six hours. Now scientists are trying to replicate the wonderful, safeguarding, and antimicrobial properties of vernix to create nourishing lotions to treat all sorts of skin conditions due to allergies, acne, and aging. Cosmetic and skincare companies have also taken notice to the benefits of vernix on the skin and it's ability to retain suppleness and moisture. As you can see vernix is vital to your baby during pregnancy and after birth. When your baby is placed on your chest for that just as important skin to skin contact gently rub that rich and preserving coating into your baby's skin. This will make your baby's skin radiant and soft. Relish in the experience of cuddling your newborn. Hold off on that first bath, the scented soaps, and scented lotions. Feel confident that you are giving your baby a proven strong line of defense against illness in delaying their first bath.  Tick...tick...tick...tick... The sound of the clock reverberates through my head. It nearly drowns out the psychologist and teachers who are talking as I sat in a small chair made for a preschooler. Feeling just as small as a child while listening to them tell me that there really was not much they could do for my son. Except put him into a special education classroom because that might be better fit for him. Feeling the hot tears of anger well up into my eyes all my heart could think of was being my son's voice for him.
That was me sitting in that tiny chair six years ago. When my son was four years old he entered into the public school system for the first time. His first year should have been full of wonder, playfulness, and learning. Not even a month into his prekindergarten year his teacher pulled me aside to speak to me about some things she had concerns over. She mentioned that he was “hyper”, “didn't listen”, and was “out of control”. Of course my first thought was she had mistaken my son with someone else because these were not the behaviors I had witnessed on that scale at home. Yes he was a typical boy full of rambunctiousness and we had some discipline issues but that was rare. He lived life wide eyed and full of curiosity. This didn't sound like my sweet son. I listened as she recounted his day of being on the red circle for behavior as she said most days were like that. She sent me home with some paperwork to fill out to let the school test him for Asperger's, Autism, and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder by the psychologist who worked at his elementary school. Every parent can relate that if there is a problem with our child we want to know the root issue. I felt that it couldn't hurt because I thought they wanted to help my son just as much as I did. I personally chalked it up how he acted at school to the recent cross country move we had done and him no longer being the only child with the welcome addition of his little brother only a few months prior. Although at home we did not witness these behaviors on the scale they did at school I just thought maybe it was some adjustment issues along with starting school for the first time. By the end of the calendar year he was tested and the results came back. I met with a substitute classroom teacher since the first one moved, school psychologist, and an occupational therapist. They said they together had come to the conclusion that my son had ADHD with a fine motor delay. The latter conclusion was due to the fact he had messy hand writing. My son was four. He was just learning how to write. Being the proactive parent that I am I said I was open to starting services for his “fine motor delay” as soon as possible. I also thought I wanted to have him tested outside of the school system by someone who had never met him before. I felt that they had preconceived opinions on my son due to the behaviors they said they witnessed. I thought we could just start the very next day. That is not how this works. Welcome to the day and age of the Individualized Education Program or IEP. There is a federal law called the “Individuals with Disabilities Education Act” or IDEA. If a child needs any special education services as my son was going to need because occupational therapy falls under the special education umbrella then your child will need an IEP set up first. Many people come together to make this document for your child. The principal, teacher, occupational therapist, and special education teacher can all be involved. The IEP is used to create a unique and individualized plan to help your child be successful in school. Setting up his IEP took time as we all had to agree on what would be best for my son. He ended up with a wonderful interim prekindergarten teacher and she did all she could within her ability to help him be successful and happy. In the short few months she was his teacher he actually enjoyed class again. Rarely did she speak to me because she formed a close bond with him. She could bring him back to focus and encouraged him within boundaries she placed. She fostered his love of the weather and would spend her extra time meeting his needs. During this time I also had him tested by an outside psychologist who specialized in educational testing. Her results on my son were quite eye opening. She told me that my son did show signs of possible ADHD but due to his young age she was reluctant to formally diagnose him. She did find something else that was incredible. Since they do not have formal IQ testing for young children who have just entered school they test their fluid IQ or capacity of knowledge. At age four his fluid IQ was 130. To put this into perspective Albert Einstein's IQ as an adult was 160. Armed with this knowledge I proudly walked into our final IEP meeting. We were moving out of state and I wanted to make sure that my son's IEP reflected exactly what he would need once we settled into our new home. We still had a month of school left before it ended for the year. That was when they said they just couldn't do much more for him except let him finish the year out in the special education class room. Even the special education teacher of that class room felt that he was not meant for that class. He had yet another new teacher in his classroom and she agreed with the special education teacher. The school psychologist and another teacher who offered support services did not agree with me wanting him kept in his current classroom. I asked what they could offer as far as him being gifted and the support services teacher scoffed. He asked me if I was asking if he could skip a grade. I was not asking that. I was asking what they could offer to nurture this beautiful mind of his. Nobody was on the same page. So collectively we could not agree. My son finished his year in his own class room because I would not agree to him being in the special education class room. This is just as small portion of how much I have had to advocate for this special child of mine. In six years though he has come a long way. What I have found helpful is being a team with your child's educators. We have constant open communication with them. We ended up moving into the wonderful arms of people who adored my son. They matched my intrepid determination that my son would not be defined by any label. That he was just himself and not the impulsiveness and frustration that he sometimes would show on his really rough days. Over time with the advocacy of myself, his heart and hardwork, his teachers nurturing the spirit of my son, and other educators willing to do whatever they had to in order to see him flourish...he did just that. My son no longer needs OT services, he has went on from having an IEP to Section 504 which sets up modifications for him when it comes to learning if he needs them. We see as he matures and grows the need for modifications in his education become less and less. My son becomes more confident in himself every day. Within the last two years he was been formally diagnosed with ADHD and coined a “twice exceptional learner”. Meaning that my son on one hand does need some modifications for his learning with having ADHD but also for him being gifted as well. His IQ was tested again one year ago and it was a formal IQ test. He ranked in with the IQ of 140. He has been in the Gifted Education program for two years and counting. He is an honor roll student. He also is active in his school broadcasting club, cub scouts, and is continually making us proud of the fine young man he is. This could never have happened had I not spoke up for him the moment the first teacher pulled me aside. Then the continued open communication with his educators. I have to take this moment to personally thank again his amazing teachers he has had in the past. You will never know how eternally grateful I am for loving him as he was your own child. You all instilled in him that he was worth every deep breathe you had to do when refocusing him, every time you had to show him something again, and you never let him feel he was less than amazing. He knows how loved he was in each of your classrooms. You went above and beyond for him. We could never thank you enough. Especially that first teacher in Prekindergarten who was only there for a few short months who nurtured him during a very turbulent year. All of you are still very much in our lives and we are so thankful for each of you. I want to note that the public school system is not the enemy and I have to be clear here on that. Every school system has much to learn about these amazing children we have today. Especially those who fall into a gray area of education like mine. From the moment we give birth to our children we become their voice, their hero, and their advocate. In the beginning of getting services for your child it can seem scary and daunting. You can navigate through them though. I highly suggest researching as much as you can. Don't forget that you have a voice and work with the educators as a team. Always ask what can they do to help your child be successful and happy at school. Know your parental rights. Check in with your child's teachers often. Keep the communication open and offer insight. Nobody knows your child like you do. I have included some links that may be helpful. Your child is amazing and deserves the very best education. https://www.understood.org/en/school-learning/special-services/ieps/understanding-individualized-education-programs https://www.understood.org/en/school-learning/special-services/504-plan/the-difference-between-ieps-and-504-plans https://www.understood.org/en/school-learning/special-services/special-education-basics/special-education-services-for-military-families http://www.learnnc.org/lp/pages/6960 http://www.disabilityrightsnc.org/education-self-advocacy-resources  Please schedule an appointment to come visit our new office location at 351 Wagoner Dr., Suite 317 Fayetteville, NC. We will be having child birth education, yoga, yogaRoo, Lactation classes and more!!! Please come join us and contact us today for pre-registration or interest!
Broken by battle, but never alone! Some of you may or may not heard about what happened a few days ago near here in Lillington, NC. A young military wife took her children's lives and then her own while her husband was out of country. We often talk about twenty two soldiers a day taking their lives but another more silent group isn't thought of enough either. I watched a program a few years back on CNN. They were talking about families of our military who commit suicide. Mental illness is very real in our military communities. We really need to take care of our own. I personally know as many of my fellow spouses the hardships of deployments. We don't go to war no but we shoulder the fallout. We don't go to battle but who do you think is there for these brave men and women when they return home? Their families!! Often we have our own demons we silence to try to be strong for our service member, families, and community. I remember thinking I had to be strong, stoic, and able to handle hell in a handbag all while looking great with perfect kids. Life isn't perfect though. So please check on your friends, your neighbors, and even if they say they are OK still be there. Be annoying. We won't ask for help because we have become conditioned that strong military wives should have no problems handling being on their own. We are often lonely, stressed, overwhelmed, and need comfort. This shouldn't of happened. We also need to talk more about mental illness and don't just prescribe medication and send our wives on their way at the clinic. Counseling, community resources, and mentorship. As a veteran wife here I challenge other seasoned wives to take a younger one under your wing. We need to band together no matter our husband's rank or MOS. We can't lose another one of our sisters because we didn't check on her. She was struggling. I bet there were signs. No one was the wiser. Please share this. I want this message shared. We can't lose another one like this. I am praying that she found peace that she desperately sought in life and I know her babies are with God. I am praying for her husband. As a community we have to do something. With Earthbound doulas, we can help several families in the postpartum period and even if we can't we will know someone who can! Please know that we see every women as a sister and we want you to know you ARE NEVER ALONE. We will stand by to support you in any situation!  I totally forgot that today was Military Spouse Appreciation Day. While standing beside a soldier is nothing compared to what our service members endure. It in itself is very important. In eleven years I've met so many amazing people. My sisters in heart are some of the strongest women I've met. We juggle roles of both parents, we can change tires, fix anything broken, cook a freezer meal for another family with a newborn in an ergo with two other kiddos doing homework (yes I've mastered that ha!), and spend sleepiness nights hoping that our love is safe while protecting our freedoms. I could go on and on. We aren't heroes. We are just every day people who love and stand by our spouse. It's important to remember the families behind the service member. We serve in a much different but just as important way. Many of us put our career aspirations and lives on hold to support our service member.
To my amazing fellow Army Wives. We have been through so much together. Thank you for being the family God gave to me. We are all appreciated and you should give yourself a pat on the back. We are amazing and strong. I hope today is a beautiful day. I am blessed to roll with the best. We are made of some incredible stuff. -Jarita #militarywives #militaryappreciation #earthbounddoulas #doterradoula #doulalife #mothersblessing #shinebright #placentaencapsulation #pregnancy #shinebright #postpartum #yogaworld #peace #sacrifice #may2016  The pubic symphysis is a thick, fibrous cartilage which joins together the two sides of the pelvic bones. As pregnancy progresses, hormonal changes soften this typically stable area in order to allow separation of the pelvic bones for the passage of baby during labour and delivery.
Pubis symphysis dysfunction or disorder (PSD) is a common pregnancy ailment that is described as a deep, sharp pubic pain and is often due to the misalignment of the pelvis, Sacroiliac joints and the position or weight of the baby. Expectant mothers may struggle to walk or separate the legs more than hip distance apart. In order to alleviate this sensation, the greatest misconception is that mother’s must stretch the ligaments and open the hips. Due to the hormonal changes creating lax ligaments, it’s best to focus on strengthening the ligaments around the hips in order to create stability. If this disorder occurs during pregnancy, check with your local physiotherapy clinics with therapist who specialize in women’s health. Mothers are advise to use pain as their guide when practicing asana, avoiding movements that cause or aggravate any pain in the pubic symphysis region. Should pain occur here with asana or regular daily activities and movement, a Physical Therapist who specializes in women's health can often help provide assessment of pelvic misalignment and potential treatment options as well as guidance on the appropriate use of pelvic support belts. Short step by step Prenatal Sequence for relief: 1. Start in savasana (Corpse Pose) Lay on the left side and place a pillow or blanket underneath the head lifting the head in line with the spine or slightly above the heart. Rest for 8-10 minutes inhaling in love and light and exhaling any fears, doubts or anxiety. 2. Ananda Balasana (Happy Baby Pose) Laying flat on your back, bring the knees toward the armpit hugging the thighs alongside the torso grab a hold of the outside of your flexed feet and press the sit bones forward keeping the lower back firmly grounded into your mat to stretch your lumbar spine. For mother in there 3rd trimester take the legs further apart to not compress against the belly. 3.Supta Matsyendrasana (Supine Spinal Twist) Laying on your back bend the right knee towards the outside of your torso so it does not constrict the belly. Gaze over the right arm to strtch the left side of the neck. with every inhale breath into the torso, and our with an exhale and relax your shoulders allowing space and hold 5 breaths. To release press the right hand into the floor and the left hand into the floor and bring the knee back to center. Roll to the left taking a rest for 5 full breaths before sitting up on your back or switching to the opposite side. 4. Setu Bandha Sarvangasana (Little Bridge Modification) Laying on your back, do not place anything underneath the head for the support. Bend the knees and separate the knees one fist width distance apart. Stack the ankles directly underneath the knees to ensure stability in your joints. Loop your strap and hold onto the strap with the arms straight creating tension in the strap. Gently pull on the strap and rotate the shoulders underneath the back, hiding the shoulders from the peripheral. Do not move your neck from side to side once the shoulders are tucked. Press into your legs and feet, lift the hips by using your quadriceps and engage the glutes and hold for 3 breaths. Mamaste! Peace love & Light, Natasha Baker,CD/PCD(DONA),CLC,RYT200  I calculated the other day how many months I have breastfed my three children collectively....I came up with forty seven months total so far. That breaks down to three years and eleven months of breastfeeding. Someone asked me the other day if I was still breastfeeding. I said, “Yes, I am still breastfeeding.” Their question jarred me. Why should I have to answer if I am “still breastfeeding?” I have found that many people think that once you hit the year mark your child should be weaned from the breast. Perhaps it is how some interpret the American Academy of Family Physicians (AAFP) recommendation that children are to be breastfed at least up to the first twelve months of life. It doesn't specify a weaning point. The World Health Organization recommends that children be breastfed to at least two years old and encourages breastfeeding even longer. It is quite an achievement that I have breastfed to this point. Prior to having my children I never envisioned breastfeeding at all. I became a mother at the age of twenty two. Growing up I didn't see anyone breastfed their child. Most everyone around me family or friends alike used formula. When I gave birth to my oldest son he was immediately given a bottle of formula in the hospital. I was not asked if I planned to breastfeed him. I wanted to breastfeed but he wouldn't latch correctly after his first feeding with the bottle of formula. When he was a day old I remember holding his tiny body close to mine. I could smell his sweet fragrant dark brown hair. He was snuggled up to my chest. I remember tears in my ears as he eagerly tried to latch and while clumsily we nursed. I heard breastfeeding is an instinct for both mother and child. While part of this is true you really have to learn together. We tried our best. I nursed him off and on for six weeks. He was mostly formula fed with me supplementing with my breast milk. We both got really frustrated because it was painful, exhausting, and he suffered from extreme reflux. When I asked for help about it from our pediatrician she suggested we stop breastfeeding and go to formula solely. So I let my milk dry up. I never feel like I didn't breastfed him. I did. The duration just wasn't as long as I had wanted it to be. I still treasure those few moments nursing my beautiful boy. He is now a sensitive, compassionate, and gifted ten year old. Almost four years later and armed with knowledge, I vowed to myself that I was going to breastfeed for ONE year. I was going to do everything in my power to make it happen. I read every book I could get my hands on. I asked those who I knew breastfed questions to gain knowledge. I was also inspired by my childhood best friend who was doing extended nursing with her second child. I thought as long as my baby is skin to skin breastfeeding after birth and I tell the maternity nurses that I am breastfeeding then all should go well. In mid May I gave birth to a very big beautiful blonde baby boy with a perfect latch and strong suckle! I was offered formula to supplement since my son had “a hearty appetite” as one nurse put it. I confidently told her no thank you. I knew the more he nursed the more my supply would build! The first few weeks were difficult. I had cracked nipples, suspected thrush, and a cross country move to get through. Once we were settled in our new home I knew I needed help. I asked local friends on Facebook to point me in a direction. I was getting frustrated again but for much different issues I had not experienced with my first son. This son was thriving and happy but my nipples were cracked, bleeding, and itchy. I went to the doctor who misdiagnosed me with mastitis. Despite having no fever, no clogged milk ducts, and no red hot areas on my breast. I knew we had something else due to the unbearable itchiness and pins and needles inside my breast every time my son would nurse. Along with one wicked diaper rash, I suspected thrush. I was not going to give up after all I had put into establishing my supply for my baby. I found a local Le Leche Group through friends on Facebook. In one meeting the leader who also was a lactation consultant helped me with some natural ways to treat what we had. As I suspected it was thrush. I had it confirmed by our doctor and we were able to clear it up rather quickly. We had a few bumps along the way but I learned from them. My son grew steadily until six months old when I had introduced solids as recommended. He growth slowed on the charts. When you saw my baby he had rolls on his thighs and round belly. He had no physical signs of anything wrong. He was healthy, happy, and meeting all his developmental milestones. He was tested for any medical causes for his slowed growth. Despite not finding any medical or environmental causes for this he was diagnosed as FTT or Failure To Thrive. We met with an educated nutritionist who followed the WHO's recommendation that we breastfeed to at least two years old. She said it would be beneficial to his health and continued growth. After meeting with us she concluded that my son like my previous son who was very petite like both my husband and I that it was genetics. Once my son reached fifteen months old he was no longer considered FTT. After that my son and I happily nursed until he was twenty two months old. I remember people would say things to me about breastfeeding my toddler but I never took it to heart. I remember the one time I was asked by a friend, “Why are you still breastfeeding?! I don't get it.” They also mentioned holding an intervention like I am some addict. All while laughing. I rattled off all the knowledge I had absorbed from reading, knowledge I gained from the lactation consultant, and the nutritionist's opinion that I continue to breastfeed my son past a year old. I answered, “Yes, I am still breastfeeding.” Their words made me feel upset. Perhaps they found it to be a light hearted moment but I felt so unsupported. This was what I considered my very close friend who knew some of my struggles in the past on my journey as a breastfeeding mother. Although hurt that my friend questioned my parenting choice. I chose to focus on those who supported me. Both my husband and our family physician supported and encouraged us. I knew I was giving my child my best for his health and mine. I knew it was right for us. I am a firm believer in child led weaning and he did just that. One day he nursed for five minutes and never did again. My first extended nurser is now an adventurous, enthusiastic, and cheerful six year old. Again almost four years later I gave birth to my blue eyed beautiful daughter. I remembered my experience with the last nursling and I felt empowered being a “seasoned pro”. I never expected I would go through so many new challenges with her. A high palate, un-diagnosed lip tie, colic, and extreme stress from parenting alone while my husband was away at work did a number on my supply. I called a friend bawling and asking her if should just give my daughter formula. I won't ever forget her support and words. She said I could but she knew how I felt about breastfeeding and that I would be really upset that I gave in just because that moment was difficult. She told me keep going. So I did. One friend came over and helped me with her latch since her having a high palate made it difficult for her to latch deep enough. I had amazing supportive friends who came by with food, encouraging words, and hands on support. I breastfed through the first few months with high stress. I was pumping every other hour in between feedings to keep my supply up until I had discovered her lip tie at five weeks old.. This made some difference. Her latch improved after the revision and her colic stopped. At six months old her growth stalled just like her brother. Physicians tested her for many different medical conditions that could cause her growth to slow down. They could not find any medical or environmental cause to her slowed growth. Just like my last one. While she was very petite she too looked healthy and was meeting her milestones. She was still given a failure to thrive FTT diagnosis. I just fed her the foods that our nutritionist recommended with my son and supplemented with my own breast milk in a sippy cup. A sense of triumph over came me by her first birthday. We made it. Sister Girl and I really made it to one year. She is now two years old and she continues to nurse when she wants. Which becomes less and less each week. even talk about it because it isn't something that unique. In fact most of my friends with children her age are STILL nursing their children. I don't hear the phrase as often, “Why are you STILL breastfeeding?” so perhaps the tide is turning. Extended breastfeeding not only benefits your child but also the mother. By breastfeeding for forty seven months I have lowered my risk of breast cancer by 50% and ovarian cancer by 90%. I also have lowered my risk for osteoporosis, type 2 diabetes, and cardiovascular disease. I feel empowered that I nourished all three of my babies with my milk. Even if it was only the beginning with my first and currently with my third. The key to my success was knowledge, support, and willpower. It has been beneficial to their physical and emotional health as mine. I feel peace with my choices especially with extended breastfeeding. So if anyone is still wondering...yes....I am STILL breastfeeding.  They say it takes a village to raise a child. This is even more true in a military community. In the last eleven years since I became a military spouse and mother my friends literally became the village who have helped shape my children into who they are. Having a community around you is important because your family can't always be around. The farthest I have lived from my family has been almost 2300 miles and the closest I have lived is 800 miles. I remember crying the whole day I moved from Montana to my husband's duty station in North Carolina when we first married. I had never lived farther than a few hours away from my mom and family. When I first became a mother I was fortunate to live back in my hometown for the first year of my first child's life. My husband was deployed overseas and I chose to move back home to be around family for the duration of the deployment. My child was born into a room full of so many family members and friends that the doctor and nurses could barely squeeze in. My little family was extremely loved and blessed. My child got to experience what I was able to experience growing up. He saw his grandparents almost every waking moment. Family friends doted on him. We had such a busy social life with get togethers, celebrations, and adventures with the ones we loved. When the deployment was over my son and I returned back to my husband's duty station. We moved into a small four plex on post. I desperately yearned to make friends. I would watch all the moms on the street push their babies in strollers. They would laugh and chat as they strolled by. Every day I would sit in my house and wish I had friends. I was very lonely there. I didn't know how I would make friends. I stayed home with my baby. I didn't go anywhere but the grocery store. While it was lonely we only lived there a few months when orders came to move to a new duty station in Washington state. In our new home I was determined to make friends. It isn't always easy to meet people when you are constantly moving and having to make where ever you are “home”. One way I found was joining meet up groups online, military family readiness groups, and just really putting myself out there. Being active. Saying hello. I joined a church and a women's bible study. I made it a point to get out more. I made conversation with others while out. I went to meet up groups for stay at home mothers. My first friend I met in there in Washington was at the hotel we were staying at while we were house hunting. We met on the playground while pushing our babies on the swings. In addition to her we met many wonderful people who became our surrogate family. Over time these friends became our adopted family. They were there right along side our parents for deployment homecomings and birthdays. They also were there when we needed a helping hand, a reassuring word, hugs, and trips to the emergency room. These “aunts, uncles, and cousins” still remain in our lives. The bonds we created could not be severed by the miles when one of us had to move. The community we created shaped all of our lives. My second son was born in the same hospital his brother was born at. By the time he was born we were about to move across country because you guessed it, orders came again. We settled into a new home when he was three weeks old. I don't always meet my friends immediately. I found the ones worthy of my heart and friendship sometimes took time to enter my life. When I found my tribe....my village I just knew. A few months after we settled in we met those people. We formed friendships and our boys met new aunts, uncles, and cousins. Their family traditions would join ours to create new traditions and memories. My children loved their non traditional family we created with our friends. We have so many photographs of our us having family gatherings with our friends. We have had some amazing “Friends giving” meals. We had family dinners, outings, and celebrating milestones and birthdays together. By the time we felt so close like a family our orders came to move once again. I don't dislike moving usually. I love the adventure and change. I love meeting new people and exploring new places. Though each time it is harder and harder to go. The people who become our family get harder to leave. In this life we rarely say “goodbye” but rather “see you later”. We know deep down it's a small world and even smaller military world. We pray we can see one another again soon. By the time my daughter was born I had been in Texas for almost three years. Prior to her birth and heading into another deployment that was looming close after her due date I was getting scared. I had my two sons with my mom, in-laws, and family right there. I had never had a baby away from them. That combined with the scheduled deployment my heart was heavy. I had a dream one night that I was in a room. In that room there was a book opened. I looked at the page and all I could see was this sentence: This is the family I gave to you. I took it as a sign that my family I created in Texas would be there with me. I would not be alone. I had met so many people who were amazing. I had never felt so settled and at home than I did there. My husband deployed twice while we were there and during those times is when my friends and I really leaned on each other and grew closer. Then just like that the orders came again. I could not imagine leaving my family, my community, my village once again. This is the move out of all the other moves that I struggled with the most. I think it is harder on the heart learning to leave them then how it felt waiting to meet them. I literally could feel my heart break into pieces the moment as I watched my adopted hometown disappear in my rear view mirror. I was leaving my adopted family behind. I still tell everyone that I miss all the pieces of my heart I left in Texas. So it is very important that you whether a military family or not to create a family where ever you are. A community of others who in addition to your own extended family to experience life with your children. A village to help inspire them, celebrate them, and teach them. We as humans are not meant to be alone. We are not meant to be isolated to ourselves. We are meant to grow, learn, and experience life together. I have been so blessed to have the family God gave me. My family is just a little spread out now. |
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Natasha has 18 years of experience working with birthing and postpartum mothers. She is well versed and rounded with experience in holistic wellness and integrative medicine. Natasha focus is to treat the body as whole instead of a symptom. Archives
August 2024
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